


Scarred Wings

by MChan



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Aftercare, Alternate Universe - BDSM, Anal Play, Angst, Bad BDSM Etiquette, Biting, Blow Jobs, Blushing, Body Worship, Bondage and Discipline, Car Sex, Castiel & Charlie Bradbury Friendship, Collars, Consent, Dom/sub, Dominant Dean, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Gorean lifestyle, Impact Play, Leather, M/M, Marking, Mechanic Dean, Nipple Clamps, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Rimming, Scars, Self-Harm, Sensual Play, Sub Castiel, Subspace, Tattoos
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-18
Updated: 2015-01-16
Packaged: 2018-01-19 20:24:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 20,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1482733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MChan/pseuds/MChan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*Sporadic updates.Sorry lovelies. Hang in there!*<br/>Castiel is a submissive and is looking for that special Dom that he can trust after years of trust issues caused by his first Dom. Who knew that he would meet that somebody at a private party he attends with his friend Charlie. He is cautious, but luckily this person is patient and soon finds that he can be happy in his twisted happy little world.<br/>*I suck at summaries* Unbeta'd*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Every Day is Exactly the Same

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first fic on here and in the Supernatural fandom. I've never written smut but I wanted to write something that portrays the lifestyle in a good light and shows that yes, bad things can happen, but it can be healthy, safe, sane, and consensual most times. Tags will probably keep being added and the rating may change depending on what my perverted muse yells at me.
> 
> *EDIT: Music plays on random when i'm writing so whatever song sticks is the chapter title that i think captures the mood or the emotions of the character. Probably a lot of Nine Inch Nails* This title is from them.

Castiel sat at his laptop checking his favorite websites, nursing a beer, and smoking a cigarette. It was his normal Thursday night routine; he didn't work on Fridays, usually, so his weekend started a day early. He recently joined a site where like-minded individuals can discuss numerous amounts of things, message each other, and meet up if they want to; no, it wasn't Facebook, but it was the Facebook for those in alternative lifestyles. In college, he experimented sexually with girls and boys and discovered his preferences after a few years. He liked both genders, but preferred males and he found out some of his kinks, hell he still is, and that is why he is on this site. He had found others in the area to talk to through messages and sometimes he searched for more friends that seemed interesting.

  
This particular night, he was messaging a woman who he had become close to through messaging, which eventually led to meet ups at the Biggerson’s in town for local munches or one of the local dive bars; her name was Charlie and she was also searching for that special someone to indulge in her kink fantasies.  
Charlie was a petite, spunky, red head who loved computers and games (video and table top); one would never guess from her always sweet personality and small stature that she was a Domme. She was searching for the one; the girl who would submit her everything and trust her to love and take care of her. Castiel wanted to be that somebody to a Dom. When he experimented in his college days, he preferred a male to dominate him and he hasn't found the man that he trusted completely. Not since…

  
The notification in the messenger alerted him to a message from Charlie again.

  
 **tableTOPgirl:** So…there’s this private party that I was invited to by this bottom I’ve been talking to and I think it would be a good idea for us to go. It’s been a while since we mingled with others in public.

  
 **ThursdaysAngel:** I wouldn't mind it. Besides, it’s never a good idea to go somewhere privately with a stranger. When is it?

  
 **tableTOPgirl:** It’s tomorrow night. Obviously there will be impact play and stuff going on but you’re not obligated to do anything. Dress is whatever. Bring toys if you want. Starts at 9pm. I’ll let Gilda know we’re coming so she can let her friends know. Also, can you pick me up?

  
 **ThursdaysAngel:** Sounds good. I’ll pick you up at 8 then, text me the address and we’ll stop at the liquor store on the way in.

  
 **tableTOPgirl:** I’m so excited! You know, Cas, you could meet the Dom of your dreams tomorrow night. How does that make you feel?

  
 **ThursdaysAngel:** Jeez, don’t get my hopes up. I’m going to call it a night. Can’t wait to see you tomorrow.

  
Castiel sighed and logged out without waiting for her reply. She always makes those comments even with knowing his past…he wants to meet Him so badly, but what if he’s just like…him.

  
Cas scratches at his scruffy chin and lights another cigarette; he only really smokes when he starts stressing out and it usually happens when he thinks about his last relationship. Balthazar was a beautiful, blond haired, lean, Brit who happened to know one of his friends from college. There was an immediate mutual interest when they took in each other’s appearance and even more interest when Cas looked into his eyes and melted into the blue primal look directed his way. He had shyly bowed his head in instinctual submission and waited until he was spoken to. They soon fell into conversation and Balthazar had offered his number by the end of the night. They were constantly calling and texting each other and Cas was more than happy to spend his free with him, especially after finding out his instincts about the man were correct.  
Balthazar was a Dom with plenty of “experience” and was more than willing to help Cas explore his interests in submission. He dove right in, like the naive 20 year old he was, and put his trust in him completely. What started as an exploration of a Dom/sub relationship soon turned into a Master/slave dynamic and Cas thought he was happy, fulfilled, but he blissfully ignored the constant red flags. Balthazar had put it in his head that he had no choice and it didn't matter that he took his anger out on him because Cas was his property. Apologies were voiced afterwards and Cas would believe him when he promised it wouldn't happen again, but it never did stop, not until he felt like his soul was starting to shatter and he didn't feel like himself anymore. It had taken five years to finally be himself again and sure he had a few casual play partners, usually just one time fucks, but he avoided any D/s relationships,well any relationships really, like the plague.

He didn't think anything was wrong with him per se, but he knew he had some trust issues. He had to protect himself dammit and if that meant being picky about friends and keeping busy with work then so be it. He was happy with his little twisted world, it wasn't dark, but sometimes lonely. 

  
Castiel put out his cigarette and finished his beer, ready to call it a night. He locked up his apartment, turned out the lights, and resolved to take a shower. He stripped off his tight black shirt, his jeans, and turned on the water. He glanced in the mirror as he was turning and was immediately reminded again of his ex-Dom when he saw the faint scars that stretched from the top of his shoulders to the middle of his back. He turned away, disgusted with his body, and drowned his thoughts under the spray of hot water.  
He avoided looking in the mirror again when he stepped out, dried off, and slipped into a pair of boxers. He checked the lock to his apartment again and crawled under the covers, exhausted, and thinking of tomorrow night. He couldn't wait to see Charlie again and meet this Gilda that has her all riled up. He sighs and secretly hopes he does find someone tomorrow, it will probably just be a new friend, but he secretly hopes anyway. He yawns and snuggles deeper into the mattress, welcoming the warmth and safety, and drifts off to sleep devoid of any dreams.


	2. Flesh is the Law

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel and Charlie make it to the party, a private home dubbed "Purgatory" for whatever reason. Gilda finds Charlie and Cas meets a beautiful stranger who really wants to keep in contact with them.
> 
> *Chapter title from Genitorturers, one of my favorite songs from them. NSFW song but i think it sets the mood for the party. Plus, it's sexy*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is a bit longer, and it's almost 5am where I am but my muse wouldn't stop yelling at me until I got my ideas out before bed. I hope you guys like this so far. I don't want to jump the gun and dive right into the kinky smutty goodness because then there's no tease and that's no fun =p
> 
> Please let me know if you like it and i'll try to update as much as I can. It will more than likely be random but that's the other fun part right? Surprises are the best!

Castiel doesn’t shave but he does trim the scruff on his face and tries to style his hair; as usual, it’s hopeless and runs a hand through it in frustration. Whatever. He knows he looks decent enough in his dark jeans that make his ass look amazing and his tight white tee shirt that shows off his arms and pecs. He continues looking in the mirror and smiles. He got enough sleep and he does feel just a little giddy about tonight. He looks at the clock and notices he needs to go pick up Charlie in a few minutes. He grabs his wallet, phone, and car keys and walks out of his apartment with a confident bounce in his step.

Charlie squeals and throws her arms around Castiel when she opens the door to her house; she’s shorter than him and has to go on her tippy toes to reach his shoulders. He smiles when she places a friendly kiss to his scratchy face. They slip into the car and Charlie immediately starts chatting excitedly about what the night holds in store. They get in and out of the liquor store in under ten minutes and set the GPS to the party; it’s not far so they arrive just on time. Charlie tells the hosts at the door that they are there to meet Gilda and are welcomed into the home with no hassle.

There are already tons of people in different dress, sipping from solo cups or bottles as they make their way to the kitchen to drop off the booze. They make up their drinks and take a tour of the house; It’s an older home, Victorian, but has modern furniture and three floors. They make their way to the second floor and enter one of the rooms, it’s nothing interesting, but there are couches where couples are making out. They hear welcoming sounds coming from the third floor and they make their way to it where it opens up to a huge play room. There’s a St. Andrew ’s cross, benches, suspension rigs on the ceiling, and manacles attached to the wall. Charlie turns to Cas and claps excitedly as she jumps up and down; Cas can’t help but smile at her as he sips on his whiskey. 

They mainly stay on the top floor, except to replenish their drinks, to watch the scenes and mingle with others. Charlie is talking to another Domme when a very pretty woman taps on her shoulder and she turns; its Gilda and her eyes widen when she smiles at her. Cas is excited for her and they get introduced before the girls make their way to get drinks, leaving him where he is, content to just watch and listen to the music. He’s not worried about Charlie, she can protect herself, but he isn’t surprised that she has been gone longer than necessary; the looks the girls gave each other was enough to clue him in about what is probably happening. Castiel watches a girl that’s cuffed to the cross, getting flogged, from across the room and he can’t help but feel happy for her because she is obviously enjoying it. He wishes on some level that it was him up there and suddenly he feels somewhat empty so he makes his way to door that leads to a balcony for a smoke.

It’s a clear, warm night and there’s only one person on the other end, not smoking, but leaning against the railing. He can’t see his face, but he can make out the outline of a male. Cas bows his head, lowers his eyes, and digs in his back pocket for his pack of smokes. He pats the front of his jeans to find his lighter, but there’s suddenly a hand in his face flicking a flame to life. He keeps his eyes lowered and mutters _thanks_ as he blows out a plume of smoke. It’s quiet for a minute or two and he senses eyes on him; the figure from the shadows, which apparently also lit his cigarette, is studying him with sharp green eyes. Castiel knows he should try to avoid the gaze but he can’t help it; his eyes are a beautiful emerald green and the rest of him isn’t bad either. Cas lowers his eyes down the man’s body on their way to the ground and keeps them there as he takes another drag. Finally, he sees the man’s feet in his peripheral, and looks up. The man is still studying him but it’s not primal, just curious.

“Hi, I’m Dean.” The man says as he stretches out his arm to shake his hand. Cas studies it a moment and cautiously takes it; they are warm, mostly soft except for a few callouses.

“I-I’m…Castiel” he says and offers a shy soft smile and lets go of his hand. Dean takes a step back and offers a smirk in return, “So, what brings you to Chateaux Purgatory?”

Cas blinks, blushes, and rubs the back of his neck. “My friend and I were invited” he replies and takes another drag. Dean chuckles softly,

 “That’s how everyone ends up here, but I’m looking for a different answer”. Dean doesn’t seem like the guy to use roles against anyone, he seems genuine, and how can Castiel refuse to answer when he flashes another smirk in his direction,

“Well, I’m...um…a submissive…” and Dean looks away and nods like he already knew. But then, he flicks his eyes back to Cas and he feels a familiar simmer in his gut when Dean asks,

“I notice you’re not collared. I respect you for that, but you’re way too pretty to be roaming around by yourself.” Dean doesn’t smirk, but full on smiles and Cas feels like he means it and his heart clenches.

“Well, Dean, that’s a long story…I have never been collared, but it’s something I’ve heard about and it seems like something that’s reserved for serious relationships. Just haven’t found that someone”. Cas blinks again, he cannot believe that he is having this conversation with a stranger, attractive stranger, but still. Damn, his cigarette is out; he puts the butt in his pack so he isn’t littering someone’s property and refuses to look up again. Once again, Dean’s feet are in his peripheral and he sees a hand hesitate as it moves closer to his face. His chin is lifted by two gentle fingers, forcing him to look up at Dean and meet his eyes.

Dean just looks at him and Cas is unable to avert his gaze this time, the way Dean studies him like he really is interesting leaves him frozen in place,

“Cas, you really are pretty. And I’m sorry if I seem too forward, but I would like to see you again soon.” Cas swallows as he gets swept up in the low, rough voice and nods, not trusting his voice because he might make an embarrassing noise. No one has looked at him like this or touched him so gently before,

“Awesome. I’ll give you my number and you can contact me whenever you want” Dean says, removing his fingers and holding out his hand for Cas to hand him his phone. It takes a moment for Cas to understand, but then hastily twists to get his phone out of the other back pocket and hands it to Dean. After the info is entered, Dean hands back his phone and their fingers brush, Cas blushes when he feels a spark rush through his body, but gains a little bit of confidence and asks,

“Would you like to come with me to refill my drink? I’ll even let you have some, I hope you like whiskey.” Dean cocks his head and smirks again,

“I absolutely love whiskey.” And motions for Cas to lead the way back inside and to their favorite liquor. Cas checks his phone and sees it’s almost midnight so he texts Charlie and tells him to meet him in the kitchen. When Cas and Dean walk to the bar in the kitchen, Charlie is waving excitedly next to Gilda and smiling ear to ear. Cas matches her grin when she sees Dean trailing behind him,

“Hey Cas, who’s your friend?” Cas grabs the bottle of whiskey and pours himself and Dean some in a cup, glaring at Charlie; thanks real subtle, he thinks.

“Charlie, this is Dean. Dean, this is my best friend Charlie. And that’s her friend, Gilda”. They all shake hands and make small conversation. Charlie often glances at him and nudges his arm, making Cas turn darker shades of red every time. Finally, Cas and Charlie decide they don’t want to drink more if they are going to drive and start saying their goodbyes.

Charlie hugs Gilda and has her promise to contact her when she gets home so she knows she is safe, and Dean leans down and inch to Cas to whisper in his ear,

“It was lovely meeting you Cas, please don’t forget to contact me”, and Cas shivers when he feels his warm breath ghost the shell of his ear. He’s breathless for a second and lifts his eyes to meet Dean’s, which was a bad idea because he was so close, and licks his lips,

“I will, Dean. Please have the rest of the whiskey since I don’t want to drive with it in the car”.

Dean clenches a hand over his heart in an exaggerated action, “A man after my own heart” and smirks when he hears Charlie and Gilda giggle to their right. Cas blushes, takes Charlie’s hand and they both mutter another goodbye to their interests. He chances one last look behind them when they reach the front door and sees Dean smirking at him, giving him a short wave, and Cas turns around again to continue their walk to the car.

Cas barely registers Charlie’s excited chatter as they make their way to her house, but he looks over at her when it goes silent and sees her grinning at him. He doesn’t know what she has been saying, but he matches it and looks back to the road. They hug when he drops her off and then makes his way to his apartment a few miles away.

When he settles in for the night, he is content and smiling, and that night he dreams of Dean and his careful gaze on him in the most exotic situations that would normally cause anxiety, not excitement. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My inspiration comes from experiences that I have had in the lifestyle so some of Cas's past is some of mine and the parties can be like that. People are REALLY friendly at them and open so I'm sorry if you find Dean to be creepy, but he's not trying to be and Cas obviously doesn't mind.  
> Anywayyyyyy, smut probably won't happen for a little bit, but I promise it will happen. There's a process, a responsible safe one, that they have to go through. Hope you're enjoying!


	3. I know the Pieces Fit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel and Dean meet up and discuss if they want to play. (Duh, of course they do, who wouldn't.) And they connect later that night in a delicious way.
> 
> *Chapter title from Schism by Tool, it seemed right*

Castiel was feeling pretty good. He held his head up, there was a small bounce in his step, and everyone seemed to notice. His coworkers at the local art magazine approached him more and Charlie definitely teased him relentlessly; it had been a week since the party and he had contacted Dean last night. They decided to meet up for lunch Friday, tomorrow, and Cas felt nervous but excited.

When the time finally came around, Cas made sure that Charlie was on standby; this was one of the rules to ensure that you were safe when you went to meet with someone in the lifestyle, a perspective Dom or sub. If for whatever reason Cas felt uncomfortable or there was a red flag, he could use Charlie as an escape when she checked in. Lunch was at a little café that served salads, soups, and sandwiches that Cas had heard wonderful things about and he was starving despite his nerves. He recognized Dean immediately, sitting outside under a table with an umbrella, and who could forget that smile. As Cas approached, he had a chance to take him in, the party was dim lit, and now that he was in the sun he could really see him. Dean was his height, but seemed to stand taller with his broad shoulders and piercing gaze. His eyes were still just as beautiful as it was the night they met and his sandy brown hair seemed to shine in the sun. Cas let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding as he finally reached Dean and smiled; he was so screwed.

They talked vaguely about their lives; where they were from, what they did for a living, and nothing about relationships. Dean was a mechanic from Kansas, he owned his own shop just on the outskirts of town with his brother Sam, and had been in the scene for about ten years. Even though Cas was five years younger, he didn’t feel inexperienced, and hoped he could learn a thing or two from him. Charlie checked in halfway through their lunch and Cas told her he was fine and would text her when he was leaving. Even when they were done eating, they stayed almost an hour after, unwilling to part,

“So, Cas” Dean drawls in his low gruff voice that almost makes Cas a quivering mess when he says his name, “Would you want to…uh…play sometime.” He rubs the back of his neck, obviously a nervous habit, and sips his drink.

“I…Yes, Dean. When did you want to meet up again?” Cas asked, hoping it would be sooner than later; it had been a while after all and he was more than ready to see what Dean could really do.

Dean flashes his smile, “Are you busy tonight? Unless you’re not ready, I mean I know we just met, but-“

“Dean” Cas interrupta his babbling, “I have nothing better to do tonight, but I think we should discuss limits before I even think about coming over”. Dean smiles and nods,

“Totally understandable, Cas”. They discuss both of their limits and find they had just about the same ones; their hard limits were, luckily, the exact same and Dean was more than happy to hear about his soft limits (the things he was willing to try). They agree on Dean’s place at 8 tonight and say their goodbyes. Cas texts Charlie saying he was leaving and about his plans tonight. 

Castiel could only nibble on some toast and veggies and drink water for his dinner, his nerves were back, and they were in full force. Charlie made sure to have Dean’s number and address for safety precautions and he made his way over, dressed in the usual jeans and a white button down. Dean opens the door to his apartment and breathes out when he sees Cas, which makes Castiel blush of course, and is welcomed in. He is showed around and handed a beer,

“I usually don’t allow drinking when playing, but I figured you might need a little something; you’re looking a little uptight” Dean told him when they sat down on the couch. Cas nodded in understanding, actually grateful for it, and sits it down after downing half of the bottle. He rubs his clammy hands on his jeans, and stares down at his legs, anticipating anything. Dean just sits there, studying him again for a silent minute, until he finally reaches out and gently trails his fingers on Castiel’s hand. Cas goes rigid for a minute, but relaxes when those fantastic hands trail up his forearm; he closes his eyes and tries to breathe evenly. He feels Dean shift closer on the couch, and begins to get lost in the touches going up to his shoulder and to the nape of his neck.

Dean sighs, “Castiel, Cas, I want you to relax. We don’t really have to do anything, but I want you to feel how gentle I can be…I would never dream of hurting you"”. Cas could feel his ears start to burn with a blush and just listens, sighing as Dean’s hands start to card through his hair, blunt nails occasionally scraping his scalp. “You tell me when you want to advance, alright? I don’t want to push you, not yet.” Dean drawls in his ear, a smirk evident in his voice, and Cas groans.

Oh, dammit; he goes rigid again and colors with embarrassment, but Dean just keeps on touching his skin and talking in his ear. “You don’t have to be embarrassed about those noises, I really like them.” Dean confesses and tugs lightly on a tuft of hair, “You are so beautiful”.

Cas moans and arches his back slightly, letting go felt pretty good; he's still cautious, but it just feels too amazing. Dean’s hand stops for a brief moment, causing Cas to open his eyes and look over at Dean, eyes probably starting to glaze over. “Cas, I want to kiss you.”

Dean breathes out and Cas nods, leaning into him. There was hesitation from Dean before their lips touch. It was a soft touch of lips, but Cas let his eyes flutter close, until Dean pulls away. They study each other’s face and clash their mouths together, but with fervor this time. Cas could feel the stubble on Dean’s chin, his soft plush lips, and the fingers that are currently twisted in his hair, still slightly pulling. Cas knows he is making embarrassing noises, but he really doesn’t care, especially when Dean runs his tongue along the seam of his lips asking for entrance. Dean tastes like heaven and Cas moans again; his wall crumbles when Dean nips at his lower lip. Castiel doesn’t know what causes him to do so, but he grabs Dean’s shoulders and let’s out the most embarrassingly loud moan he’s ever heard himself make and Dean chuckles as he licks at the bite to soothe it. Cas lets him gently push him into the couch, hands all over each other, and he wraps his legs loosely around Dean’s hips.

He’s moaning, writhing, and (what is he, a horny teenager) grinding under and up into Dean. Dean’s hands are relentless, one hand in his hair still and one roaming his sides, causing Castiel to become a hot mess. Dean breaks for air and smiles down at him as Cas elicits another moan when fingers brush against a nipple.

“Gosh, Cas. You are so gorgeous like this, writhing under me, practically begging for more.” Cas turns his head, exposing his neck, eyes still closed, and tries to catch his breath. Dean leans down and kisses just under his ear, nips at his jaw bone and clavicle, and then sits up. Cas furrows his brows and looks up at him, confused.

“I think we should stop here…” Dean breathes and scoots a few inches back, leaving Cas dazed and breathing hard. He sits up and smiles at Dean, both finally catching their breath,

“Dean, you’re a great kisser” and Dean chuckles, gives a quick kiss to his lips, and then looks at the clock; it has been almost an hour. “Um…I should go. I had a really great time. I hope to see you again soon.”

“Sure thing. Let me know when you want to come over again. Don’t let me wait too long.” And they both beam at each other, “By the way, you’re a great kisser too, Cas.” Dean stands and helps Cas stand, leading him to the front door. They kiss again for a few minutes, nothing heated, and Cas promises to let him know he is home safe.

When he gets home, he calls Charlie and tells her everything; he has to pull the phone away from his ear when she squeals. He rolls his eyes and tells her he needs to get in the shower, and texts Dean to let him know he’s home. He’s still slightly dazed and he really can’t wait to see him again. When sleep finally claims him, he dreams about Dean’s hands.


	4. We're in this together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel finds himself at Dean's after agreeing to a trial run for the night, but it doesn't go like he hoped. It's still not so bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I see that people like this so far so I am rewarding all of you lovely people for the kudos, hits, and bookmarks.   
> I was listening to Nine Inch Nails when I wrote some of this so hence the chapter title.   
> Please let me know with comments if you like anything or want to read about something specifically!

Dean told Castiel that he has a profile on the site he goes to and spends a good amount of time on it the next week. The list of fetishes, age and other general information matched what Dean told him, and he had pictures; so far so good, he thinks. The pictures are of Dean, some by himself, some with others, and some showing off his shibari and flogging skills. Cas has seen this type of rope work, an art form really, and was pretty impressed. He wouldn’t consider himself innocent or naïve, not anymore, but Dean was definitely more experienced than he.

Balthazar only did so much; cuffed his hands to the bedpost, made him wear a butt plug while he ignored him, and more often than not got creative with how he hurt Cas. He liked a little pain, if it was mixed pleasure, but he only hurt and fell into depression after Balthazar was done with him. There was no aftercare, it didn’t have to be intense or time consuming, but some cuddling or a bath after would have been nice. He thinks Dean would give him that. He smiles and continues looking through his profile.

The next few times Cas goes over to Dean’s, he’s calm and collected, and feels more sure of himself. They don’t play, but they talk about what they want out of a Dominant/submissive relationship and make out like teenagers; Cas wants to try this with Dean, he doesn’t feel unsafe with him and thinks it could work after Dean earns his trust.

Castiel knows Dean loves how shy and modest he can be and often thrives to make him blush every chance he can; he plays it up for him with lowered eyes and shy glances from underneath his lashes. One night,a few weeks later, they decide to give whatever this is a trial run, at least for the night and Cas finds himself topless, kneeling next to the couch. Dean is somewhere, puttering around, and this gives Cas a chance to slip into the mindset. He doesn’t look up when Dean enters the living room and sits in front of him on the couch; he feels a current of anticipation flow through him, his body almost on fire, as he sits there waiting patiently.

“Cas” Dean calls to him, the way he likes and he shivers, wanting to jump him, but he knows better. He feels a hand in his hair and he mewls, but then gasps as Dean tugs a tuft of hair on the top of his head. Cas knows his cheeks are pink from the pleasure that shoots through him and knows that Dean loves it. The hand tugs again and his eyes snap to meet green, a mossy green, clearly glazed over with want.

“Come up here” Dean orders and Castiel doesn’t hesitate. He (somehow) gracefully stands and is told to turn around and sit, which he does so without much complication. He leans back against the warm, hard body behind him, his legs straddling and sighs. Dean’s hands are on him immediately, caressing his arms and sides, and placing soft kisses to his ear and throat. Cas closes his eyes and allows him to explore, because who wouldn’t want to feel worshipped by an Adonis like Dean. One hand makes its way to his chest, and circles around a nipple; Cas moans and jerks a little in his arms. The other hand travels up his arm to his shoulder and is pleasantly surprised when it grips his hair and pulls his head to side; he moans louder and almost comes when Dean bites hard where his shoulder meets the base of his neck.  His hips thrust up and Dean has to remove his hand from his nipple to hold him down. Cas writhes and whimpers when Dean’s hands don’t let up,

“Dean” he breathes, “P-please…” He’s already begging; what a mess. He almost wants to think he has messed up, but Dean chuckles and pinches the other nipple, knowing already that Cas REALLY loves it.

“Please what? You’re a greedy little slut, aren’t you? I haven’t even touched your dick and you’re about five minutes from coming in your pants” Dean drawls in his ear. Castiel couldn’t even blush, his neck was hot and he was sure it was spreading to his back.

_His back_.

He goes rigid and Dean immediately releases his hands and tells him to kneel again, facing away; he hesitates and Dean gives a reassuring nudge until he starts moving. Anxiety starts to form in his chest and feels self-conscious; he waits for the disgust to come from Dean.

A minute or so passes and he feels the ghost of fingertips at the back of his neck,

“Castiel, are you alright?” Cas shakes his head, it can’t hurt to be honest at this point, and Dean starts to run his fingertips down his back. He’s obviously tracing the scars, every line that connects to make crude wings. He remains silent, waiting for the worse, but it doesn’t come.

“I’m not going to have you tell me what happened, if you don’t want, but Cas, just know I wouldn’t do this to you. I wouldn’t mark you up so bad that it’s permanent.” Dean promises and Cas can feel the anxiety work its way up his throat and lets out a whimper. 

Dean trails his fingertips up to his head again and begins petting him and Castiel feels inclined to turn around and put his head on his thigh. He does and it feels safe; he should probably get this out of the way right?

He sighs, “I was in a relationship several years ago and he wasn’t very good to me, obviously. He started out nice and I trusted him almost immediately; I was stupid.” He shakes his head, but the hands don’t stop soothing him, and he continues, “He had some unresolved issues and I often took the brunt of it, but I wanted him to be happy so I let him. Usually he didn’t leave marks, but one night he was especially moody and used a hardware tool. I didn’t see what kind but maybe a screwdriver? He carved the scars into my back…” Castiel shudders and tries to shake the memory away and Dean still says nothing, just listens.

“Sorry to put a damper on the night…I was really enjoying what we were doing.” Cas looks up and tries to give a reassuring smile, but Dean’s lips are pressed in a hard line.

He breathes in, “You deserved better than that, Cas. I am so sorry…” and caresses his cheek. “You didn’t ruin the night and I’m very glad you told me. It’s important.” Dean guides Cas up into his lap again, facing towards him this time, and puts his face between his palms, so he has no choice but to look at him.

“I’m serious. You didn’t deserve that, no one does, and you weren’t the idiot. I’m having a hard time controlling the fact that I’m angry so I’m telling you…and I’m not angry at you. I really just want to make you feel better, but only if you want.”

Cas searches his face and nods, his lips curling up at the corners. Dean smiles at him and leans in to kiss him, slowly working up to the heated kisses that leave them both breathless, and he turns them around to lay Castiel onto the sofa.

“I’m going to make you feel so good” Dean promises, hands hovering over the button and zipper of the other man’s jeans,

“Yes, Dean. Please.” Dean sets to work and slides them off his legs and to the floor; his boxers follow and they both end up a small pile next to the sofa. Cas shivers from anticipation as Dean starts kissing up his right thigh, stopping where he wants it most, and then kissing up the left thigh.

“Oh my god, Cas, you are perfect. I’m going to have you screaming in no time.” He breathes over his dick and flicks his gaze up to meet Castiel’s, dark green meeting midnight blue. Cas swallows and lets his head fall back on the arm of the couch, breath hitching when he feels those wonderful fingertips caress his dick.

_Oh my lord, that’s good; don’t come yet, he hasn’t told you if you’re allowed,_ Castiel tells himself. Dean switches to his tongue and licks a strip up to the head and swallows him down in one go; Castiel chokes on a groan and thrusts his hips up. Dean lays a hand on his hipbone to keep them down and the other fondles with his balls; Castiel lolls his head back and forth, overcome with too much stimuli. Dean is very skilled and after a few minutes of long pulls, tongue swirls, and one last time of taking him fully and hitting the back of his throat, Cas comes down his throat with a groan.

Dean licks him clean and wipes his mouth, smiles down at him as he catches his breath for the hundredth time tonight,

“Dean…is there anything you aren’t good at?” and Dean chuckles. Then he remembers he wasn’t told to come and he jerks upright, his head almost colliding with Dean’s,

“I am so sorry, Sir. I came without permission, please don’t be mad.” He pleads, and Dean grabs the back of his neck to clash their mouths together.

When they break apart, Dean gives him a pointed look, “You are not in trouble. I wanted to make you feel good. Besides, I never said whether or not we were doing the whole orgasm control thing tonight. The fact that you were worried about pleasing me still, even after the talk we just had, makes me very happy.” And he kisses him again.

They cuddle under a light blanket, listening to music, and Dean praising Castiel almost nonstop, until Cas nods off to sleep on his shoulder.


	5. Meet Your Master

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas talk about where to begin their relationship.

Castiel woke up in a bed, a very comfy bed, with a warm body pressed into the back of him. It had been years since this last happened and he felt like he could get used to it. He laid there for maybe another half an hour, thinking about last night, and smiled; Dean is amazing and he really wants to make him happy. He inches out of the bed slowly, careful not to wake the sleeping figure, and makes his way to the kitchen.  Cas could cook well enough where he can survive and wants to repay Dean for his gentleness and understanding so he rummages through the fridge to find eggs, bacon, and fruit; he can work with this. He is in the middle of making both of them breakfast, standing next to the stove in his boxers and tee shirt, when he feels his favorite pair of hands wrap around his waist from behind.

“Good morning, Dean. I hope you don’t mind…I wanted to repay you for yesterday.” He says, his voice still rough with sleep, and he feels a kiss placed to the back of his neck.

“Thanks, Cas. I’ll get the coffee for us and when you’re done putting the food on the plates, come sit with me”

Dean turns on his heel to pour them coffee while Castiel finishes preparing the food and sits it at the small table in the corner of the kitchen. He hears him putter out of the room and when he turns around with the plates of food, he sees a pillow next to Dean on the floor. Cas cocks an eyebrow and sets the plates in front of Dean; he instinctually lowers to the pillow on his knees and waits. Dean begins to eat and uses one hand to pet Cas’ hair; he could definitely get used to this. When his stomach rumbles, Dean takes his hand from his head, and thrusts a fork with food on it in front of his face. Castiel takes it gratefully into his mouth from the fork held out to him and they sit in silence, Dean eating and occasionally feeding Cas until the plates are empty.

“Cas, please put the dishes in the sink and meet me in the bedroom.”

Dean pets his head one last time and makes his way to the room, leaving Cas jittery as usual, but he does as he is told. He can hear Dean rummaging around in the room and he tries to keep his imagination at bay, but he would be lying if he said he wasn’t completely excited. He finishes his task and cautiously opens the door to the room to reveal Dean sitting on the edge of the bed. He swallows and stands in front of Dean.

“Cas, I want to talk with you some more. After last night, I think it’s a good idea but don’t worry, nothing’s wrong, I just want to make sure we’re on the same page” he says with a reassuring smile.

“Yes, Dean.”

 “Good. Please kneel”.  He does as he’s told and lowers his eyes like he knows to do.

“First order of business; I know you know what to do, this isn’t your first rodeo, but I don’t want you to hide from me. From now on, please look at me.”

Cas’ brow furrows and he immediately looks at Dean, a question on his lips, but he hesitates and holds his tongue.

Dean smiles, “You have very…bright eyes so I want to be able to see them. Now, second, if for any reason you feel uncomfortable you MUST let me know and use the safe words we discussed” he says, his mossy green eyes serious. Cas only nods.

“When you want to speak when it’s serious like this, all you need to do is ask to speak. Otherwise, you may speak freely. Or unless I gag you, that is a different story.” Dean chuckles when the tips of Cas’ ears goes a little red.

“We’ve already discussed your limits and mine so unless you want to discuss that more, we may try this again. Right now, if that’s alright with you…” Dean trails off and gestures for Cas to answer.

Cas uses a moment to finish registering everything Dean has said and gets butterflies in his stomach,

“Sir, I have nothing else to discuss at the moment, but if anything changes I will be sure to notify you” he says quietly. He hadn’t realized that he had bowed his head again and snaps it back up to meet Dean’s; they are all serious again and he nods as he begins to remove his pants.

 Dean is not wearing boxers and Castiel’s eyes almost bug out of his head at the size of Dean’s cock. Before he can really admire it, Dean grabs his hair to force him to maintain eye contact,

“I want you to pleasure me. Show me what you got, slut.”

 Dean growls and Cas shivers as he replies,  

“Yes, sir” and wastes no time to obey.

He licks a long strip from Dean’s balls to the tip and swirls his tongue around the head a few times. Dean softly groans when Castiel finally takes it into his warm mouth and the hand tightens the grip in his hair when he swirls his tongue all the way down inside of his mouth. He has had a lot of training when it comes to this; he knows how to work around the gag reflex and to relax. He continues his ministrations for several minutes with Dean practically panting and when Cas uses his teeth to barely scrape up the length. Dean can’t hold back anymore and holds his head still while he fucks his throat. Castiel secret enjoys this, and loves it even more when Dean comes down his throat a minute later. He doesn’t pull away immediately even though his jaw aches and licks him clean while Dean cards a hand through his hair,

“You were so good, sweetheart, so very good. Now, I want you to lie on the bed.”

Cas’s heart skips a beat; he made Dean very happy and now he gets a reward. Only good things happen on the bed, right? He doesn’t hesitate and crawls onto the bed, lies on his back, and waits.

“You had told me that you have had some experience in bondage so you are comfortable with it, but I am new in your life, so I want you to know that at any time you can use your safe words we agreed on. Green is good, yellow means to wait a second and talk, and red is to stop. I do not intend this to be intense; I am simply taking the use of your hands. What color are you?”

“Green, sir. I am ready.” Cas breathes and Dean makes a grunt of acknowledgement.

He closes his eyes to clear his head of anticipation and twitches when he feels a gentle hand take his. Something soft and sturdy encloses his wrist, and then the other, and then they are both pulled to be tied to somewhere under the headboard.  He keeps his eyes closed and waits in the silence; he feels his mind slipping into that perfect state where he is still aware of his surroundings, and his body, but he feels like he’s floating.

“I am going to touch you now. What color are you?” Dean asks softly from his left.

“I’m green, sir. Please touch me” Cas replies breathily.

He feels fingertips in his hair that trail to his nose then to his lips, to his chin, and down his neck. Cas is breathing evenly, but his body feels like it is lighting on fire. He’s so confused, why is he being worshipped when it should be the other way around? His concern vanishes when the hands continue to his collarbone, down his sternum, to his navel, to his hipbones where they stay caressing. Castiel’s breathing had picked up and his dick makes a valiant jump when they stop and disappear. Cas whimpers,

“Sir, please, keep touching me. I need it…I need…” Dean chuckles from somewhere in the room,

“Oh Cas, you are so pretty like this; begging for me to touch like the greedy slut you are. What you NEED is to know that you are a beautiful person, inside and out, and I am lucky to have an opportunity to show you. I am willing to keep showing you, but you have to want to accept that truth; so my question is Cas, would you like to serve me?”  

Cas tries to piece together what he is being told; he guesses he could get used to being worshipped from time to time, he nods and breathes out a _yes._

“Good, but here are some rules, and they are simple; no play with others and that goes for both of us, we must take care of ourselves, and your body is mine. I do not damage what is mine and I promise never to harm you. Now, answer.”

Cas can agree with that, it’s simple enough, and he honestly was hoping that this would happen since they have been grinding on each other for a few weeks now.

“I agree with the conditions, sir, and would love to keep serving you.”

 He hears a rustling, assuming its Dean walking toward him, and suddenly feels lips on him; first on his own lips, then his jaw, to his neck, his collarbone, and his chest. Cas is panting now under Dean’s mouth and he whimpers, his dick standing straight at attention.

He feels those delicious lips at his ear, “From now on, I can touch my lips and my hands anywhere I please. Your body, will, and pleasure belong to me. What color?”

 Cas gasps out _green_ before he feels Dean situate himself between his legs. Dean runs his hands over his thighs and grabs under his knees to lift him up and almost fold him in half,

“This here” he licks over his hole and Cas moans, “is mine now.” He continues to lick around his hole slowly teasing; frustratingly slow.

“Yes, Dean, yes! All yours. Please, don’t stop.” Cas moans out, begging, panting, and writhing as Dean dips his tongue just right, probing his hole.

“Dean, please. I’m going to…” Cas warns that he can’t hold back anymore; this is too much between the body worship that felt like hours and this. Dean replaces his tongue with a finger, tracing the outer ring of the hole, and leans over Cas, causing him to open his eyes. He gently probes him and softly warns him,

“You do not have release until I say. Remember who gives this to you.”

Cas whimpers and tries his best to hold off, thinking of everything gross but his mind is blanking and he is worried that he won’t be able to do this. Another minute or two passes and he is starting to lose it, soft curses and sweat forming on his forehead. Dean is smiling down at him now and Cas almost doesn’t hear him his order.

Come for me, Cas”.

Castiel loudly groans, throws his head back and screams out a few obscenities as he climaxes; his whole body locking up, toes curling, and eyes squeezing shut. When he starts to come down, he doesn’t feel when Dean goes to the bathroom for a towel and returns to clean him up. He is completely spent; feeing satiated and buzzing with warm bliss. His wrists are released, but he lets them flop above his head, content to just lie there forever in this happy bubble.

He feels a kiss to his forehead and notices Dean is propped over him, he opens his eyes not realizing when he closed them again,

“You were amazing. So beautiful” Dean breathes over his face and they smile at each other.

After Dean forces hydration and checks his wrists, Castiel is snuggled under a warm comforter again in Dean’s bed, with his Dom behind him. He smiles.


	6. Personal Jesus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean pushes Castiel out of the comfort zone with some sexy fun and some personal reflection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the gap in updates and thank you for being patient! I'm in nursing school, working at one of the local hospitals, and beginning con season so i'm a busy bee. So, keep the comments coming and enjoy the birthday gift i wrote for myself!   
> *Chapter title from Marilyn Manson, i think it captures this pretty well*

“Oh. Em. Gee, Cas!” Charlie exclaimed, “I am so happy for you!”

Cas had just told her everything that has happened recently. Honestly, he should have told her already, but hey he’s been a little occupied.

“So, how’s Gilda?” Cas asks her; it shouldn’t always be about him. Charlie’s eyes light up and she grins even more, if that is even possible.

“Oh, Cas. She’s amazing. She’s obedient, responsive, creative, and just a little feisty. She’s everything I’ve always wanted. Dude, you should see her when I make her wear outfits. Oh man…” She doesn’t complete her thoughts, just drifts off lost in thought. Cas laughs and grins at her,

“I’m happy for you too, Char. Hey, we should all hang out soon. I know you will love Dean even more than you do now. He doesn’t admit it, but he can be quite a dork, and I also want to get to know your girl more because it sounds like she will be around for a while”. Charlie agrees and tells him to give Dean her number so they can set it up.

Later, when Cas is kneeling on the floor (shirtless, because it’s a rule now apparently) at Dean’s place, they talk about their days and Cas gives Charlie’s number to him. “That sounds like fun, Cas. So, I have an idea for us today. Meet me in the room.” He pats Cas’ head, stands, and walks to the room. Cas still sits there, on the floor, nerves buzzing in excitement; he’s so lucky. He stands, uses the restroom, and then makes his way to the room too. Dean is waiting patiently next to the bed where the drawers are open when Cas cautiously opens the door. Dean smiles at him and beckons for him to come closer,

“Cas. We’re doing something very different today, something I’m sure you’ve never done before, but I believe you need this.” Cas just keeps staring at him, unable to emote anything, but feels anxiety start to prickle under his skin. “I am going to push you, and it may be uncomfortable, but it will not hurt you”. Cas believes him but he can’t help but to feel worried.

“If you are willing to advance and trust me with this, then please kneel.” Cas takes a moment, takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, and kneels. Dean smiles at him and strokes his cheek. “Remember you can always use your safewords” Dean reassures him and then starts rifling around in one of the drawers. It is silent for a few minutes, except for Dean gathering whatever it is he needs, and Cas’ deep breathing. It is broken when Dean begins to speak again,

“I have already figured out what makes you hot, for the most part, so I’m going to put these on you” Dean tells him as he crouches in front of him and starts to caress his chest. Cas can’t see what he has but he really likes it when Dean touches him and his breath hitches. He feels his hands push on his chest a little and he takes it that he is supposed to lie on his back. When he does, Dean puts both his hands on to either side of him, and begins kissing on his neck. He must know Cas is nervous so he tries to relax, but when Dean kisses down to his collarbone and down his sternum, how can anyone relax? He moans when Dean’s tongue flicks his left nipple.

“You are so responsive, god, I love it. Don’t ever change” Dean exhales, his breath ghosting over his already hardening nipple. Then Dean gently scrapes his teeth over it and Cas moans loudly, arching up into the warm heat above him. Dean chuckles and then blows on the extremely erect peak causing Cas to cry out again. The sucking, nipping, and blowing are repeated on his right and Cas is a writhing mess again.

“You will look even more beautiful with this on” Dean says as he pulls on one nipple and attaches a small clamp onto it. Cas’ breath hitches loudly and he squirms, squeezing his eyes shut. “Mmm, I know you love it. What color are you?” Cas struggles to reply, panting, but he manages after a minute,

“Green. I am green, sir.”

“Good boy” Dean praises, a hint of a smile in his voice, and then attaches the other clamp to his other nipple. Cas is trying not to move too much, but he can’t stay completely still. Somehow through his pleasure hazed mind, he thinks of how this isn’t new to him, but his thoughts are cut short when Dean’s hand trails down his skin toward his navel and tugs lightly on a chain. He didn’t realize the clamps were attached to each other by a chain, but he can’t say that he isn’t thrilled. Dean continues to tug on it lightly causing Cas to arch his back, moan, and pant like a wanton whore; he is definitely turned on.

“Sir…s-so good” he moans out, surprised he can even say anything. He still doesn’t know what Dean could possibly bring to the table that is new because this is definitely not it.

“Such a good boy, I want you to take a moment and breathe.” He feels Dean’s body heat leave from above him, assuming he has leaned back and away, and lays there, still breathing hard and letting the sensations take over. “Take your time and sit up” Dean commands him as he stands up. Cas can’t seem to open his eyes just yet as he pulls himself off the floor and kneels, head dizzy, and body buzzing. He can feel Dean step behind him,

“Open your eyes” and when Cas does there is a stand up mirror sitting in front of him. He stares at himself; his eyes are heavy lidded, hair a mess, cheeks pink. He looks at his chest where the clamps are attached; they are black and shiny, a harsh contrast to his skin, and his nipples are red. He can see Dean standing behind him and their eyes meet. Dean lifts a hand and starts carding it through his hair and nods his head to gesture back to the mirror.

“I want you to look at yourself, REALLY look at yourself. I want you to think about what you see” Dean orders. Cas hesitantly looks back at his reflection. His brow is now furrowed and his eyes are more open. “Now, tell me.”

“I see…an attractive man?” Cas tries and Dean smiles.

“Well yeah, but try again.” Dean urges; Cas keeps looking at himself and smirks weakly,

“I see a mess” Cas tries again and Dean chuckles at the reply.

“How about I tell you what I see?” Dean suggests and Cas shyly nods when Dean bends down so his head is next to his.

“I see an attractive man that is a mess, yeah, but I see strength. I see heart. I see determination. I see light” Dean whispers into his ear while they stare at each other, eyes meeting in the mirror. Cas frowns; how can he see any of that? He’s broken, damaged goods, unworthy. He is glaring at his reflection now and he shakes his head, bowing it. “Castiel, stop thinking. I know your thoughts, I’ve been there; you don’t believe me, but I am not lying to you” Dean tells him, voice firm, and he kneels next to him.

“Sir, I’m sorry, but I don’t see that. I’m no good” Cas tells him, head still lowered, and hands balled into fists.

“Cas…” Dean’s eyes soften and he scoots closer, “Cas, I will never stop telling you how beautiful you are. It’s true and I will spend every moment trying to convince you.” Cas then feels those amazing arms circle around him as Dean embraces him, his head on his shoulder. They stay wrapped in each other for a few minutes; the only sound their breath, until Cas breaks the silence.

“Thank you, Dean” he whispers. Dean lifts his head, searches Cas’ eyes and then leans in, putting their foreheads together.

“Anything for you, Cas. I know you don’t feel the same, but I’d rather have you damaged or not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! So yeah, nipples.  
> The next chapter will probably be a continuation of this particular event, who knows, but this seems like a pretty big deal right?   
> Continue with the comments and such, my lovelies!


	7. Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments and being so patient with me! School and work have me preoccupied even when my muse is being a dirty dirty slut.  
> Here is a short chapter to reward you!  
> *Chapter title from Deftones. I love this song, it's sexy, and for this story it implies things*

Dean awoke on Monday morning to his alarm going off promptly at 7am and dragged himself out of his warm bed. He sat on the edge of it and stretched his arms above his head, earning a few cracks down his spine. He groaned and shook it out, then stood and walked to the kitchen where he started the pot of coffee and fried up some bacon. He sat at the little table, chewing, lost in thought. The other weekend had been a major event for he and Cas and he honestly hoped he had helped him. Cas stood a little straighter when he was with him and he even started flirting more; leaning over and wiggling his perky ass on purpose and sending suggestive text messages. Dean smiled at the thought thinking that yeah, he is pretty sure he has helped. He heard the second alarm on his phone going off from the room and realized he had been thinking for too long and now he needed to get ready for work. He put the dishes in the sink and went to his room to put on his jeans and oil stained shirt and left for his garage.

The work day was going normally with oil changes, some tire rotations, and one messed up transmission. He knew his clients liked the fact that he was hard working, had a great staff, and knew his trade, but he definitely knew they came to him just to ogle his body. He was a good looking dude and even turned on the charm just to see how flustered they would become and to keep their business so it wasn’t odd to have them flirt with him on a daily basis. Hell, he even had some guys leaving flustered. Towards the end of the day, he had one last client that didn’t seem to be from around but he still smiled and gave appreciative comments back when he flirted.

“Alright, sir, this is your bill. We accept every payment except checks” Dean said while smiling to the newcomer. “Thank you for choosing Winchester Auto and we hope to see you again”.

The customer smiled back, his eyes crinkling around his blue eyes”Thank you Mr. Winchester for helping me on such short notice. I hope to come back soon.” He was turning to leave, but stopped and turned back towards Dean. “Excuse me for asking, but even though I’m only in town for a little while I was wondering if you could point me in the direction of a club.”

Dean thought it was odd that he would be troubled to ask, but he named off a few down town, but the man only shook his head at him. Dean was about to ask what was wrong, but he was cut off. “Not just any silly club, but one of the…alternative variety” the man said with what Dean assumed was a smirk, but it only looked menacing. He told him that his friend goes to Purgatory and that he should check it out. The man smirked and thanked him again, holding out his hand to shake. When Dean returned it, the man gripped harder and held it longer than he should. _What the hell is this guy’s problem? Is he challenging me or something?_ Dean pulled his hand away and told the man to have a good day. He watched him walk away, get into his BMW and pull away before he started closing up.

On his way home, Dean grabbed his favorite meal of a burger and fries from one of the diners; too tired from his day to cook. When he arrived at his apartment, he set the food down on the table and jumped in the shower to scrub away the confusion of his encounter and the grime from being under cars all day. He called Cas after he ate, sitting on the couch and sipping his beer, and he told him of the customer.

“That is very weird, Dean. I wonder if we will run into him the next time we go” Cas replied.

“I don’t know. He definitely is not from around here and he said he was going to be in town for a while so who knows. I’m not even sure when the next time we’ll be back anyway.”

“Well, Charlie told me that Gilda was going to be performing there next week”

“Oh. Performance?” Dean questioned and Cas told him about how Charlie and Gilda were interested in Gorean life, especially the dances and outfits, and that she was going to be demonstrating a few of them at the event. Dean agreed that they should go to see what it was all about and to support his new friends. Besides, if he was with Cas then it would be a good night. They were bonding more each day and they enjoyed each other’s company, even though it was mainly Cas on his knees and submitting. He really enjoyed that, but he wanted to be with Cas outside of whatever this was.

“So, Cas…I was wondering…” Dean started but trailed off, becoming nervous.

“Yes, Dean?”

Dean inhaled softly and rubbed his other palm on his thigh “Would you be interested in going out to dinner this Friday?”

There was silence on the other end until Cas cleared his throat “Y-you mean like…like a date?”

“Uh, I guess, yeah. I can show off my baby too. I promise you’ll be impressed.”

“That sounds fun…what about a baby?” Dean chuckled and bragged about his most loved car even though he knew Cas didn’t know much about them, but he liked that he listened anyway. Before they ended the call for the night, they set a time for Friday when Dean would pick him up for their date.

 


	8. Passenger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas go on their date and things get heated!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again my lovely followers for being so patient with me. Nursing school and personal life had me stressed out and my muse was being affected as well. So for being so awesome, here's a chapter! I'll try to update again in a day or two before I leave for family vacation so I don't leave you hanging again.
> 
> *Chapter title is Passenger by Deftones ft. Maynard from Tool*

When Friday afternoon came around, Cas was buzzing with nervous energy for their date that evening.  He was also filled with confusion.  Dean had asked him out to dinner and clarified that it was in fact a date even though he was under the impression that they were strictly Dominant and submissive.  Besides all that, Cas was excited and was currently pacing around his bedroom trying to pick out what to wear.  He should feel embarrassed about how he is acting, but he couldn’t find it in himself to really care.  By the time he decided on dark denim jeans without holes in them, a button down white collared shirt, and black vest, Dean had texted him that he was on the way to pick him up. 

Commence continuation of freak out.  

It would only take another five minutes for Dean to arrive and he needed to calm down.  He took a few  calming breaths and stopped pacing, rolled up his sleeves, and texted Charlie.

_I’m really nervous. I’m kind of freaking out._

_Cas…stop. It’s not like it’s a blind date or something. It’s a date with a guy you already know…well on some level. Just look at it like you’re hanging out. Breathe._

Cas smiled and thanked Charlie, taking a few more deep breaths, and felt a little better.  A minute later there was a knock on the door announcing Dean’s arrival.  When Cas opened the door, he took in a sharp breath as he took in Dean.  He was dressed in similar dark jeans and a green plaid button down with the sleeves rolled up as well; his eyes a dark mossy green, probably an effect of his shirt.  Cas smiled when he finished looking him up and down and Dean smiled back.

“Hey Cas. Are you ready to go?”

“Hello, Dean. Yes, I am ready…for our date” Cas said as he ducked his head.  Dean held his hand out timidly, an unusual gesture, and Cas took it just as shyly.  Dean’s hands were warm as usual, covered in callouses from working on cars half his life, and strong but he held Cas’ hand gently.  They made their way down to Dean’s car, his baby as Dean called it, letting go of each other’s hand and Cas stepped up to run a hand over the top.  He could see why Dean prided himself on it; she was beautiful and obviously well taken care of for a long time. Dean watched from the other side, smiling, preening over the fact that Cas was appreciating his most valued possession.

Cas looked up then, “She’s very beautiful, Dean.  I can see how well you take care of her.”

Dean nodded his head slightly and smiled, “Thanks. She uh..she was my dad’s but he wasn’t taking care of her so I did.  She’s been my girl for a long time. “ Dean ran his hand along the top of the impala like Cas had done, smiling down at her in affection, “You know, Cas. I take care of things I possess…you know I’ll take care of you like I do my baby, right?”  Cas felt as though his heart stopped beating for a minute when Dean looked up at him and knew his face must have been bright red.  He didn’t know how to reply and Dean must have known because he smirked and opened his door to get in.  Cas let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and got in the passenger side seat. 

Dean started the car, engine coming to life, Led Zepplin coming through the stereo and they set out into town.  The purr of the engine calmed Cas’ nerves even more and was lost in thought as Dean drove.  When they arrived, Dean parked and turned off the engine, turning to Cas and nudging his arm to break him of his reverie.  Cas started and looked at Dean who was getting out on his side; Cas followed and looked up at the restaurant.  It was a tall, ornate, building that looked like a Japanese shrine and the smell coming from the top of it made his mouth water.  Dean then rounded the car and offered his hand to Cas again, which he took, and they made their way inside. 

It was still early in the night so the restaurant wasn’t as crowded as they thought it would so they were sat fairly quickly.  They were sat on the side of a table that could sit eight people and it had a huge grill in the middle.  When they placed their order for food and drinks, Cas bumped his shoulder against Dean’s,

“I must confess, Dean. I’ve never been to a restaurant like this.  Thank you for taking me.”

Dean smiled at him then, “You’re welcome, Cas. I can’t believe you’ve never been to a place like this; it’s amazing!” Cas smiled back at him, affection bubbling in his chest.  Their drinks, soups, and salads arrived a few minutes later and a few more people were sat.  Cas wished that the table was a little more private, but if he was with Dean he could live with it. 

Dean watched Cas often throughout the dinner through his peripheral, watching his eyes light up as the chef twirled his knives and set the onion volcano on fire;  Cas seemed so innocent. When the chef thanked his audience and left the table, Cas immediately dug into his plate.  His face lit up even more if that was possible and the noises that came from the man made Dean squirm in his seat.  Dean tried to eat, calmly, but he loved those noises and Cas didn’t even seem to notice that he was making them.  When they both finished what they could of their piles of food, Dean paid and they got back in the car. 

“Thank you again, Dean.  I had a great time at dinner.  I think I found my new favorite food.” Cas smiled at him and noticed Dean was slightly twitchy.  He frowned, “What’s wrong? Are you alright?”

Dean looked at him from the corner of his eye and gave a small side smile, “You’re welcome again, Cas. And yeah, I’m good. I just…you seemed to really enjoy that meal.” Cas cocked his head to the side in the way only Cas could, still staring at Dean.  When Dean didn’t explain further and started the car, Cas shrugged to himself and leaned back in his seat, sighing in content. 

Halfway through the drive back to his apartment, Cas felt the sparks of sexual tension filling the cab of the car and looked at Dean from underneath his lashes.  He shifted in his seat causing Dean to look at him through the corner of his eye.  Dean smirked when their eyes met and Cas flushed, squirming in his seat.  Dean’s eyes seemed to darken and looked back at the road.  A few minutes later, Dean pulled over onto a dark gravel road and turned off the engine.  Cas sat up in the seat, staring at Dean with wide eyes,

“D-Dean…what are we doing?” The nervous buzz had returned with full force, sending goose bumps to appear on his arms and a shiver go up his spine when Dean looked at him.  His eyes darkened further and he swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing.

“Cas…” Dean whispered voice husky and low.  Cas didn’t have time to react when Dean leaned toward him and grasped the back of his neck, fingers grabbing the short hairs at the bottom, and tugging him closer inches away from his lips. “I want you”.

Cas’ eyes flicked to Dean’s lips and they flickered back to meet his eyes from underneath his lashes, giving a small seductive smirk before pushing forward into his mouth.  Cas groaned, puffing out a small breath, and licked Dean’s bottom lip.  Dean groaned in return and pushed forward more unable to get enough of the other’s man mouth. 

“Dean…I want you too” Cas whimpered softly into his mouth and Dean couldn’t hold back any more.  He shoved his tongue inside Cas’ mouth, licking the roof and then nibbling his bottom lip causing both men to groan.  Cas moved his hand from Dean’s bicep and placed it firmly on his muscular thigh, sliding it towards his crotch the more heated and frantic the kisses became.  When Cas finally rubbed Dean’s erection through his jeans, Dean gasped and unlocked his mouth from the other man’s, throwing his head back.  Cas grinned mischievously and applied more pressure as he stroked him,

“Cas” Dean grunted out, “Feels good.”  Cas preened at the praise and moved from his seat to lean into Dean’s space to lick at his earlobe.  Dean was panting at the sensation and the fact that he was feeling strained in his pants.  He was completely lost in the touches, until Cas’ voice broke through,

“Dean, take me home” Cas whispered into his ear and removed his hand.

Dean let out a deep breath and nodded, grabbing the steering wheel, and starting the ignition. Cas leaned back into his seat and smiled all the way to his apartment.  When Dean parked and turned off the car, he practically jumped out of the car and jogged to Cas’ side, opening the door, and offering his hand again. Cas was still smiling, taking the hand before him, and stepping out of the car. 

They don’t remember how they made it up the stairs and to Cas’ apartment because it was just a blur of hands and mouths the entire way.  Dean pushed Cas against the door and ground up into him, nibbling the scruff under his jaw and licking the mark to soothe any pain.  Cas keened, arching against the door and into Dean’s body, mewling.  They heard a door open around the corner and Dean let out a chuckle,

“I can be a little of an exhibitionist, but I want you all to myself. Do you need help opening the door?”

Cas chuckled too, digging into his pockets to fish out the key, and turning to unlock the door.  He had a little trouble considering his hands were trembling from unresolved sexual tension and the fact that Dean was right up against him running his hand over his ass.  Cas let out a frustrated sigh and finally managed to unlock it, turning to grab Dean by the hand, and pulling him inside with him.  Dean smoothly locked it closed and continued his ministrations on Cas, grabbing him by the hips and pulling him close.  Cas’ hands went to Dean’s chest and began to unbutton his shirt.  While Cas was preoccupied with that, Dean began to unbuckle his jeans.  As they slowly stripped each other down to boxers, they made their way to Cas’ bedroom. 

Once there, Dean backed Cas up until his legs hit the bed and he sat down slowly.  Dean looked around to find a nightstand where he was sure lube and condoms were kept and quickly made his way over, opening the drawer, and shuffling inside.  He made a victorious sound when he found them and turned to walk back to Cas who was fiddling with his hands, head lowered, and brows furrowed.

“Cas…” Dean whispered and sat next to him, “Is everything alright?”

Cas lifted his head and met Dean’s eyes with hesitation, “Dean, I…I’m not sure what to do.  What is this? I mean…we’re Dom and sub and this is kind of vanilla. I’m afraid to like this…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for hotness! Sorry for the cliffhanger, but I have to have you guys keep coming back for more right?   
> So, are they going to do it? Who knows! I might >.>


	9. Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean makes things official and seals the deal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta da! My gift to you for being so patient and awesome, leaving me comments and kudos and shiz. I'm off for 5ish days for vacation and will hopefully be writing the good old fashion way when i'm in the car. Leave me some love! Enjoy!
> 
> *Chapter title from Closer by Nine Inch Nails. My favorite, it's so sexy. Mmm, mmm*

_I’m afraid to like this…_

Dean’s heart clenched, hearing the fear and concern in Cas’ voice, sudden realization masking his face; Cas hasn’t had a real relationship or plain old good sex in god knows how long and he’s afraid of it. 

“Cas. We don’t have to do this tonight if you don’t want. I’ll wait.” Dean smiles over at him.

Cas’ eyes went comically wider, “What? N-no! I want you, Dean. I need you.”

“Cas, come here” Dean patted his lap and Cas climbed onto him, circling his arms around his neck.

“Now look at me. If it makes it easier I can always just Dom you and fuck you into tomorrow, but you need to be honest with me.” Cas flushed, his dick twitching at the thought of any of it,

“Dean…I want anything you will give me. I’m just confused. We’re supposed to be strictly in a particular relationship, but…” Cas hesitates again and leans into Dean’s neck, murmuring against his skin, “I want more than that. I don’t want you to push me away because of this…I like you. A  lot.”

Dean’s heart clenches tighter and tightens his arms around Cas, “I want you as my submissive.”

Dean says and Cas tenses thinking he was being rejected. Dean holds him closer and whispers in his ear, “And I want you to be mine as my partner.”

Cas lets out a noise he’s never heard before, a mix of relief and a whine, and Dean shifts so Cas will lean back.  He takes his thumb and index finger and gently grasps Cas’ chin,

“So what do you say?” Dean says with a small affectionate smile. Cas smiles back and leans in to place his lips against his,

“Yes, Dean” he replies, voice breathy and husky.

He deepens the kiss and pushes his chest against Dean’s, tightening his arms and slightly thrusting his hips.  Dean moans and thrusts back causing Cas to whimper and writhe on his lap.  For a few minutes, they just give each other heated kisses and teasing touches, thrusting onto each other, rubbing their straining erections together.  Cas’ pleading half-lidded eyes and begging whimpers set Dean into action, not being able to bear the anticipation anymore he grabs the lube from beside him and pops open the cap.

Cas knows that sound and moans, writhing again, urging Dean to hurry up.  Dean lubes up his fingers and places one digit against Cas’ entrance, teasing around the rim, causing Cas to push forward on Dean.  They lock eyes and Cas lest out a shaky breath, silently giving Dean the go ahead.  When Dean finally pushes a finger inside, Cas lets out a loud moan with a hiss and Dean hesitates.  Cas shakes his head, “Dean…please, I-I’m fine. Keep going.”

Dean doesn't need to be told twice and begins thrusting in and out of Cas slowly.  After a couple of minutes, he adds another, making Cas arch into him.  He slowly works him open and adds a third shortly after, scissoring and stretching him so he can fit.  Dean thinks he was average in size, but he has width to make up for it and doesn't want to hurt his partner.

“Dean…please. I need you” Cas moans, breaking the silence in the room. 

Dean removes his fingers, grabs the condom and rolls it on, adding a generous amount of lube to himself.  Dean lifts his other hand and places it on Cas’ cheek, thumb stroking the scruff there, and looks him straight in the eyes.  He grabs his dick in his hand and lines it up against Cas’ entrance and returns his arm to wrap around Cas’ back.  He pushes in slowly until he is completely buried causing both men to let out a groan and they kiss until Cas adjusts.  Cas pulls away and puts his forehead back on Dean’s shoulder, nodding for Dean to move.  Dean thrusts up slowly and Cas moans into his ear, “Dean, so good. Mmmph, please, more.” 

Dean suddenly picks Cas up, making the man yelp and wrap his legs around his waist, and turns them around to fall on the bed.  With Dean on top now, the angle and view were so much better.  Cas wants more and Dean is not one to disappoint.  He starts thrusting in earnest then making his partner arch off the bed and grab the sheets.  Sweat starts to gather on his brow as he pounds Cas into the mattress, the man panting unable to catch his breath.  When Dean takes Cas’ right leg and lifts it to rest upon his shoulder, it changes the angle so that he nails the prostate, making Cas remove his hands from the sheets and grab onto Dean’s biceps.

“Dean!” Cas moans, arching and writhing, and starts to meet Dean’s thrusts.  “More, please!” He begs beautifully, “Harder!”  Dean chuckles and speeds up his thrusting, striking his prostate every time.

“Trying to top from the bottom, Cas?”

Cas tries to roll his eyes at him, but they end up rolling back into his head instead when Dean gives him a particularly deep thrust.  They keep in time with each other, matching thrust for thrust, and building up to their climaxes.

Dean begins feeling that pleasant burning in his abdomen and fights to hold off until Cas reaches his orgasm, which will not be too long from now considering how Cas is thrashing his head from side to side.  Suddenly, Cas starts to tighten around Dean and he knows that he is about to release. Dean lowers his lips to meet Cas’, barely touching and whispers against them,

“Come for me, Cas”

and that is all it takes to have Cas clamp down on him, arch his back, and push his head back into the mattress, letting out a shout that almost sounds like Dean’s name.  As soon as his scream starts to fade, Dean feels the wave of pleasure shoot up his body, eyes shutting closed and he grunts as he comes inside Cas, thrusts jerking and becoming slow.  After riding out their orgasms, Dean opens his eyes to see a blissed out Cas, hair sticking in different directions and to his forehead, and a small smirk gracing his lips.  Dean’s heart swells with affection when Cas opens his crystal blue eyes to meet peridot green.  They smile at each other and Dean leans down to sweetly kiss his lips.  He pulls out slowly and removes the condom to dispose of it in the waste basket and Cas whimpers at the loss. 

Dean hushes him with a nuzzle to his neck, wrapping his arm around his waist and places kisses anywhere he can, “You are amazing, Cas.”

Cas huffs out a breath, “I barely did anything. You were the amazing one” he says, voice gravelly and raw from the shout. He wiggles backwards to get closer to Dean’s warmth and lets out a satisfied sigh. They lie like this for what seems a long time, allowing the sweat to cool on their bodies, and pulse to return to normal, until Dean urges them to snuggle under the blankets. Cas smiles and feels his eyelids start to droop, feeling satisfied from their activity and the fact that someone has found him worth keeping.  That night he falls asleep in the arms of his Dominant boyfriend, a smile still plastered on his face.


	10. I can be Your everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yay they did it! And they are going to do it more!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So so sorry I have not updated. Nursing school can be a bitch! But here is more smut for being awesome and patient.
> 
> Impact play and roughness warning, just in case of triggers!*****  
> *Chapter title from Whore by In This Moment*

Cas woke to a vibrating sound coming from the nightstand next to his head and he groggily fumbled for it, opening one eye blue to check the caller ID, sighing at the name that appeared.   _Charlie._

“Hey Charles” he greeted, voice rough from sleep.

“Cas! Why are you still sleeping? It’s like 11.”

Cas checked the clock on his phone, confused, “Oh, I didn’t realize”

There was a silence on her end before she talked again, “Cas, you got laid didn’t you?”  Cas could hear the smirk in her voice and he blushed before sputtering. She giggled,

“I knew it! Finally! So how was it? He was good right? He was, wasn’t he?”

“Charlie! I don’t kiss and tell…but yes” He whispered the last part shyly and she giggled again.

“I’ll let you get back to romeo. Call me later. Love you” He grunted his goodbye and they hung up. He let his head fall back onto the pillow and let out a sigh before stretching. He startled when he heard a clatter come from the other side of the door, more likely the kitchen, and he got out of the bed. Throwing on his boxers, he made his way to the kitchen, following the smell of sugar and butter. When he turned the corner he saw Dean at the stove in boxers and a tank, softly humming, and flipping pieces of bread on a griddle. Cas smiled at how content he looked and made his way behind him, circling his arms around Dean’s middle, and nuzzling his back. Dean slightly startled and turned his head to look over his shoulder, smiling. Cas lifted his head to look at him, their eyes meeting,

“Hello, Dean”

“Morning, Cas. You hungry?” Dean asked cheerfully and Cas nodded, then placed a kiss in the middle of Dean’s should blades before sitting at the table.

“That smells wonderful. What are you making?” Cas questioned, sniffing the air. Dean placed the sugary bread on plates and turned to walk to the table.

“French toast” He said and made a face of uncertainty.

“Oh, I’ve never had it.” Dean’s eyes went wide as he placed the plates on the table and sat down across from Cas.

“Are you serious?! That’s insane, Cas. Eat up, then!”

Cas nodded and began to dig in, making obscene noises as he forked a particularly syrupy piece into his mouth. Dean watched from across the table, nibbling on a piece of his fork, and smirking. This continued until they were both finished and Dean took the plates to the sink, rinsing them off, and then returned to stand in front of Cas.

“Yes, Dean?” Cas asked, looking up at him with innocence. Dean simply held out his hand, palm up, and waited for Cas to take it. Cas did, of course, and was led to the bedroom where he was placed sitting on the bed. Dean stood in front of him again, smiling down at him softly, but his eyes had darkened. Cas studied his face and shyly bowed his head before remembering that Dean liked seeing his eyes and looked at him from beneath his lashes instead.

“How are you feeling?” Dean asked, voice deep as he removed Cas’ boxers.

“I feel great. Thank you for the breakfast…and last night…Sir” Cas replied, timid, and cheeks flushing. Dean’s smile widened and nodded, acknowledging that Cas knew what he wanted and that he was on board.

“Good. Stay here.” Dean commanded and went to his nightstand. Cas could feel excitement return to him in his chest and belly. Now that they had slept together their activities would be so much more fulfilling and the anticipation was killing him. He was broken from his thoughts when Dean returned and motioned for him to stand and turn around. When he did, he could feel Dean’s body heat on his back, and he shivered. Dean gently touched his shoulders and slid his hands softly down his arms where he stopped at his wrists before he firmly grabbed them and pulled them behind him. Cas’ breath stopped in his chest and remained still.

Dean breathed out against his neck, “Are we green?” And Cas nodded before his wrists were cuffed together behind his back. “You are so good. And now that I’ve had you, I want you again.” Dean gritted out before grabbing Cas’ hair and pushing his face into the bed. Cas began panting and whimpered out a moan, wiggling his ass in anticipation. Dean chuckled darkly and removed his grip from Cas’ hair to drag his nails down his back. Cas hissed and arched his back reveling in the feeling of pleasure and pain and let out another whimper when the hand disappeared.

Dean let out another chuckle, “My little pain slut, do you want more?” Cas whimpered out a yes and wiggled again emphasizing his need. “I’ll be right back then.” Cas wanted to get up and pounce him but he knew to stay put like a good boy.

Dean returned a few minutes later and sat things on the floor where Cas could not see them. It was quiet then except for their breathing and Cas was startled when Dean trailed a hand up his thigh. Cas sucked in a breath as his legs quivered.

“I have something here for you,Cas. Do you want it? It’s new for us, but I know you will like it.” Dean asked from behind him.

“Yes, please Sir.” Cas begged. He had an idea about what he had for him, no innuendo intended, because he was in fact a little bit of a pain slut and it had been a conversation that they had about impact play. It has been a while since he’s had this and god did he need it.

“Good boy. We’re going to start out with a flogger, simple, and we will see how it goes.”

“Yes, Sir”

Cas didn’t even hear Dean shuffle to pick up the instrument and was pleasantly startled when a soft sting landed in between his shoulders. He let out a grunt and breathed out. Another struck him on his left shoulder blade and then another on the right, letting out grunts as Dean warmed him up. The stings and thumps got slightly harsher and were placed all over his back, perfectly practiced, until he was moaning out. Dean worked him over for a few more minutes and then slowed down to the softer impacts from the beginning. Cas realized then that his cock was hard and dripping when his mind was no longer occupied. He wiggled his ass when Dean’s clothed erection met his ass, Dean softly rubbing his hands up and down his back, soothing him. Cas’ back arched up and down in time with those hands and whimpering. He needed him and now.

“Please, Sir. I need you.” Cas whimpered and begged. Dean’s hands drifted slowly to this ass and squeezed causing Cas to moan out his name.

“I don’t know, Cas.” Dean teased him, dragging his hands down his inner thighs.

“Please! I need it so bad, need you!” Cas begged again. He knew this head game and knew that in the end Dean would crumble and give in.

“I guess you have been good enough to get it…” Dean mock contemplated. Another minute of teasing touches and Cas was on the verge of doing anything to get what he needed until he heard the cap of a bottle being opened and he shivered.

“Tell me you need it, Cas. Tell me what a slut you are.” Dean darkly said. How could Cas not listen to that demand if that meant getting what he needed.

“Sir, I need it; whatever you want to give me. I’m such a slut, I’ll take whatever you give me.” Cas quickly begged. He moaned out when Dean gently inserted two lubed fingers into his entrance.

“My, my, Cas, you’re still stretched out from last night. That should make this easier” Dean chuckled and then nailed Cas’ prostate. Cas screamed out in bliss and whimpered when the fingers disappeared, but screamed out a moan again when Dean finally caved and penetrated him.

It didn’t take Cas long to finally get his release with Dean driving into him from behind, one hand gripping his hair and one holding the cuffs, and expertly nailing his prostate every time. After Cas, it didn’t take long for Dean to follow him. When they finally came down, Dean removed himself and released Cas’ wrists before crawling on the bed, taking Cas with him as he laid down.

Cas’ heart swelled as Dean checked his wrists and kissed them, making sure he was not injured. Dean cuddled his head onto his chest and kissed his temple as he stroked his hair. They lay like that for who knows how long until Cas closed his eyes for a quick rest, listening to Dean’s steady heart thump away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Impact play isn't for everybody and BDSM is such an umbrella term so that's not what it is all about. I know several people who don't like it and prefer sensual domination and such. Floggers can be made differently but just assume that the one they used is not intimidating at all and Cas enjoyed it, even though he could have triggered, but he trusts Dean more now. Impact play is not abuse okay?! Okay.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! Let me know!


	11. Breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas has a panic attack!  
> Sorry about the short chapter >.>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long hiatus, shiz happened, but i'm back to writing. Updates will still be sporadic. Hang in there!  
> **Title song by Breaking Benjamin. I was listening to it while quickly typing this out and i love it so enjoy it**

Castiel awoke on Monday morning a little sore, but smiled at the memories of the weekend. He made his way to the kitchen to start his morning routine of coffee, breakfast, and his daily cigarette before getting ready for work. He luckily was able to work from home anytime he felt like it and only had to go into the office once a week, if even that, but today was not that day. He was going to take it easy today. He sipped at his coffee and smiled when his phone buzzed, alerting him to a text message. Of course it was from Dean.

  
_Morning,Cas. Hope you are feeling okay. Miss you already. Have a good day._

  
Cas blushed and sighed into his coffee, then quickly replied wishing him a good day as well. He missed Dean already too but he couldn’t bring himself to say it. He pondered that thought for a while until his alarm notified that it was time to start work. Diving head first into his assignments for the day, he forgot about his insecurities and focused.  
Cas didn’t realize it was after lunch time by the time he was done with the majority of his assignments so he saved his progress on the computer and checked his phone. Since he put the ringer on silent he didn’t know that Dean had sent messages during his lunch break at the garage.

  
_Just wanted to check on you during my break. Work has been good today._

  
_Hey so…I ran into that weird customer again today. He randomly told me about why he was in town._

  
_Cas…call me._

  
Cas’ heart thumped wildly because those messages sent up warning flags. He took out a cigarette and sat on his small balcony outside, phone in hand, and dialed Dean’s number before lighting up. He answered on the second ring.  
“Hey,Cas. Uh…how are you doing?”

  
“H-hello, Dean. I’m well.”  
There was silence on both ends of the phone until Cas broke it.

  
“What’s wrong, Dean?”

  
“So, that customer from last week, bumped into him while getting lunch down the street, and he started rambling off about why he was in town. Apparently he’s looking for someone and he started describing him…he sounds a lot like you…”

  
Cas’ heart dropped and he stopped breathing. Please, if there is a god, don’t let it be him.  
“D-did he mention his n-name?” Cas stuttered.

  
“Yeah, I think it was Bartholomew”

  
Cas let out what little oxygen he had in his lungs in a sigh of relief and resumed smoking his cigarette, calming his nerves.  
“That doesn’t sound familiar. Probably not me he’s looking for then.”

  
“Yeah, you’re probably right. Sorry I freaked out.”  
Dean let out a nervous chuckle and Cas smiled fondly into the mouth piece of his phone,

  
“That’s alright, Dean. I’ll let you get back to work. I will talk to you later”.  
They said their goodbyes and hung up. Cas really needed some stress relief after that almost panic attack. He shot off a text to Dean, telling him he would like to meet up this week before Friday to get release and Dean sent back a time and day.

  
He really needed Wednesday to get here and fast.


	12. Set Me On Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas gets his release and then some. This is a breakthrough chapter! Thanks for hanging in there!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Impact play warning!  
> **Title song by Flyleaf**

Wednesday came quickly, much to Castiel’s relief, so when he finished at the office he texted Dean that he was on the way. He did miss Dean, but he was also missing that fine line between pleasure and pain that helped balance him out. He calmed himself by listening to music on the drive over, happy that it was never a long drive.

He parked and stepped out of the car to make his way upstairs to Dean’s apartment. He knew he was already there and kept the door unlocked for him so he made his way inside and set his things down at the entrance.  He could hear Dean in the shower so he stepped into the bedroom and undressed. Cas’ pulse raced when he heard the water cut off and quickly dropped to his knees next to the bed, facing it. He tried to even out his breathing when he heard the door open and Dean step through. It was silent except for the sound of Dean drying off.

Cas closed his eyes and breathed in deep, nerves alight with anticipation, as he heard Dean walk closer. His breath hitched when he felt Dean’s hand gently run through his hair.

“Hello, Cas” Dean softly said, “My wonderful boy. So good to me.”

Cas preened and straightened his posture further.  

“Hello, Sir” Cas said breathlessly.

“I’ve missed you. Let’s take care of each other today” Dean stated, still petting the mess of hair beneath his hand.

“Yes”

Dean smiled when Cas titled his head into his hand when he trailed his fingers down the back of his neck. His heart clenched with affection; he was so damn lucky.

“Get on the bed, pet” Dean ordered and went to his closet to fetch his instruments, not needing to stay put to make sure Cas was being obedient. When he returned, Cas was on the bed kneeling like he should. Dean almost pounced on him right there when he shyly looked at him while spreading his knees in invitation.

“Tell me, Cas, what do you need?” Dean sat his tools down on the nightstand and strolled over to Cas, reaching a hand up to stroke his cheek fondly.

“Sir…I need you. I need to not think.” Cas swallowed, ready for what Dean was going to deliver.

“Okay, I want you to lay on your stomach. Remember your safe words are good anytime you need them, just say it.” Dean reminded him and gently nudged him into action.

After Cas assumed the position, he breathed out, “I’m green, Sir”

Dean nodded to himself and leaned over the length of Cas’ body, trailing his hands down his back, to his thighs, and back up to his ass. Cas shuddered when Dean slowly separated his cheeks, leaving him vulnerable and open to his eyes. Dean leaned over and breathed hot air over Cas’ hole. Cas whimpered and wriggled a little on the sheets, implying his impatience and need. Dean chuckled and leaned over further, finally flicking the tip of his tongue against Cas’ hole. Cas gasped in a breath and moaned at the sudden wet contact.

Dean was relentless with his teasing touches and sounds and soon let up to move on to his next mode of torture. Although Cas was pliant and docile under him, he also knew that he needed the pain so he trailed his hand up his back and into his hair where he pulled, causing Cas to yelp and push off the bed. Dean led him up, leaning him against his bare chest, where he pulled his head to the side.

“Do you need the pain, Cas? Ask for it.” Dean whispered darkly into his ear.

“Yes! Sir, please!” Cas yelled out, not wasting a moment. That was all Dean needed before he gripped hair more tightly, tightened his other arm around Cas’ middle, and bit down on his shoulder. Cas hissed and moaned out, jerking in Dean’s arms.

“Oh god, Dean…S-sir, thank you, thank you.” Cas whined and wiggled.

Dean finally let go and licked the mark that was already purple and  red. Cas shivered and pushed his hips back into Dean.

“Now, now, don’t be impatient. I’m not done with you.” Dean whispered into his ear again, kissing his neck, and praising him.

“Sir…” Cas whispered, “I need more…please.”

“As you wish, pet. Stand up next to the bed, facing it.” Dean commanded and went over to his nightstand. After grabbing what he needed, he returned to Cas and put his tools on the bed. He put his hand on the back of his head and urged him to bend over to brace himself on the mattress. Cas went easily, crossing his arms in front of him above his head, and waited. Dean picked up his flogger and swept it up and down Cas’ back. He loved watching Cas shiver; he was the only one who got the chance to make him unravel and beg. This was his favorite part.

“I’m going to flog you now, what color?” Dean raised his arm with the flogger, waiting for Cas to give him the go ahead. When Cas whimpered out ‘green’, Dean let his arm swing expertly and landed a nice thud on Cas’ back. Over and over again, Dean landed thuds and stings all over his sub’s back and cheeks, making him gasp out and moan. He stopped and rubbed Cas’ back to calm the pink marks and dropped to his knees behind him. He grabbed his red ass and spread his cheeks to lick him open again. Cas let out another loud groan, clearly having difficulty not coming before being allowed to, if his throbbing and leaking erection was anything to go by.

Dean kept it up until he decided he wanted to really make Cas push himself. He sneakily lubed up his fingers and started inserting one finger at a time. Cas was mewling, writhing, and pushing back onto Dean’s fingers by the time he had four in him.

“God, Cas. So proud of you. So ready to fuck you, but I’m not going to yet.” Dean bit out between clenched teeth. Cas groaned in agitation and whimpered out a ‘please’. Dean chuckled and bit underneath Cas’ left cheek causing him to yelp. He removed his fingers after a few more expert thrusts to his prostate. Cas whimpered at the loss and shifted his legs further apart. Dean stroked his back reassuringly while he grabbed a vibrating plug from his pile of tools. He put the tip to Cas’ hole and slowly started to push it in. He listened to the noises Cas was making to make sure he was doing okay and he was taking it like a champ. It wasn’t a large plug and he was stretched well enough so he knew he wasn’t hurting him. When he finally pushed it all the way to the base, Cas moaned and pushed back against Dean’s hand. He will be so surprised when he turns on the remote. Dean chuckled to himself and rubbed Cas’ cheeks and thighs. He stood up and picked up his favorite paddle. It was wood with the word ‘slut’ carved into the polished finish. He put it against the bare skin of Cas’ ass to let him know he was about to use it. Cas whimpered and breathed out a ‘please’ to give Dean the green light.

He removed it and slapped it against the same cheek, softly at first to warm him up again, and then the other cheek. He alternated sides and picked up speed and strength of the hits, drawing hisses and groans from Cas. Occasionally, he would ‘accidently’ hit the base of the plug, surprising Cas and causing him to moan out. Dean would chuckle and tell Cas ‘Sorry, my bad’ when he would grab the sheets and thrust forward. He finally slowed the paddling and flicked the remote to the plug to the first setting. Cas shot up and howled, thrusting forward to find friction.

“Yes! Sir! Please, oh my god!” Cas yelled out, choking  on air. Dean put down the paddle and rubbed Cas’ pink cheeks before turning the setting on the plug higher. He grabbed his hips to keep him from pushing back into his crotch.

“You’re doing so well, Cas. You haven’t come yet because I haven’t said you could and you’re being so good.” Dean breathed out, snaking an arm around Cas to slip a cock ring on him. Cas tensed and whimpered.

“Just in case, since I’m not done with you.” Dean whispered next to his ear, and then turned the plug to the third and highest setting. Cas was now trembling and begging, thrashing in front of Dean.

“Sir…please. I-I can’t hold on. I need you inside me. Please!” Cas begged over and over again. He almost fell to the floor when Dean turned the plug off and started to pull it out. Dean picked up the lube bottle and added a generous amount to himself and lined up. He grabbed Cas’ hips and roughly sheathed him onto his cock. Cas gripped the sheets again and cried out in relief when Dean fucked him into the mattress from behind. Dean thought Cas was being too loud so he grabbed the hair at the back of his head and pushed his face into the bed. Cas moaned louder than he had heard before and fucked him even harder, grabbing his arm into one hand and pulling it behind his back. Dean was holding him down and fucking him with everything he had, giving Cas exactly what he asked for, and was not going to last long. He didn’t want to come before Cas, so when Cas was a trembling sweating mess, he released his arms and head and quickly took off the cock ring,

“Come for me, Cas. Now.” He said into his ear and grabbed him around the middle to hold him before he hurt himself from thrashing or falling. Cas gasped and came right away, convulsing in Dean’s arms, and screaming his climax to the ceiling. Dean never stopped thrusting and came as Cas was tightening around him. Cas quieted and started to slump forward. Dean gently pulled out and lowered Cas toward the bed to lie down while he grabbed wet towels to clean them off. After he cleaned them up, he lifted Cas into his arms and prodded him to drink some water while he stroked his hand through his hair. He set down the glass of water on his nightstand and wrapped his arms around him, evening out his breathing for Cas to follow, so they both could calm down. Cas finally calmed down and turned to snuggle into Dean’s neck.

Dean let him and stroked his head, neck, and back while whispering praise to him. After what Dean thought was almost an hour, Cas lifted his head and looked at Dean from underneath his lashes,

“Thank you, Dean. I…thank you.” Dean  kissed him sweetly and stroked his cheek.

“Anytime, Cas. We should get up and stretch now.” Dean suggested and Cas grumpily complied, sitting on the edge of the bed.  He watched Dean clean the plug and put the tools away in the closet before he lifted his arms up and stretched. He closed his eyes and groaned, the bones in his spine popping. When he opened his eyes again, he saw Dean hesitating at the closet door.

“Dean?” Cas asked concerned. Dean nervously walked over to sit next to him.

“Yeah…so, uh” Dean cleared his throat, “Since you’re not going anywhere for a while, I’m assuming, I was thinking that maybe  I can give you something…” Dean reached under his pillow next to him and presented a silver collar with a blue undertone to it. It was the most remarkable thing Cas had ever seen and he reached out to touch it. It was warm from Dean’s hands and nervousness and had a simple clasp. Cas lifted his eyes to Dean and smiled,

“Can I wear it right now?” Dean’s eyes lit up and he smiled back. Cas got up to kneel facing the bed and Dean carefully put it on. It wasn’t too tight or heavy and sat comfortably on his collarbones. Dean didn’t think he has ever seen someone more stunning than Cas right now. Cas slowly stood up and walked to the full length mirror on the closet door. He raised his hand to touch the metal around his neck and really looked in the mirror. He had a beautiful collar from a beautiful man, an extremely noticeable purple bite mark on his neck, and if he turned around there was ‘slut’ imprinted on his right cheek.

Cas turned around to look at Dean and gave him the biggest and brightest smile Dean had ever seen. He stood and walked over to stand behind him at the mirror. He circled his arms around his waist and put his chin on his unbruised shoulder,

“You’re beautiful, Cas” Dean simply said and kissed his shoulder. Cas continued to stare at himself and Dean in the mirror and smirked.

_Yes, I am beautiful._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My friend actually has a paddle that has 'slut' in Morse code imprinted into it. So that's where that idea came from because i also love it >.>  
> Leave me some love?  
> Gilda's performance at the club will be the next chapter!


	13. Even Angels Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst happens. Warning for depiction of panic attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in updates. I actually dreaded getting to the angsty bits because it hits close too home for me but I have pushed through! Also, I got a tablet with a keyboard so now I can bring you fluff, angst, and smutty goodness while I work the night shift! yay!  
> *Chapter title by The Cruxshadows. I can just imagine the dance to this. Mmmm*

Friday, the night of Gilda’s performance, was now upon them. They made their way to the club together, all the while exchanging bright genuine smiles and adoring looks. Cas adorned his newly acquired collar that Dean had given him, dark fit jeans, and a white button up; Dean had picked out his outfit tonight and he seemed to really like this combination. Dean was also in nice fitting jeans and a button down, but it was black. They made their way inside and joined Charlie at the bar for a few beers. There was still time before Gilda was ready to perform so some of the customers were passing the time by playing in the designated areas.

People were still filing in when Charlie had to leave their presence to make sure Gilda was almost ready and they took seats at a cocktail table towards the back so they could see the performances.

“Dean?” Cas asked.

“What’s up, Cas?” Dean replied with a smile.

“I’m not exactly sure what Gilda’s performance tonight really means…” Cas admitted with a faint blush sprouting onto his cheeks. “I’ve never really heard about “Gorean” until a while ago when Charlie started rambling about it”.

“Well, I know just a little. The rest you will have to find out on your own.” Dean offered and Cas nodded for him to continue. “In the 80’s this guy named John Norman started releasing these sci-fi books about this world that’s similar to Earth but the air is cleaner, there are badass creatures, but society is totally backwards.”

“What do you mean backwards?”

“This is where it gets complicated, so I’ll do my best to explain. If you are a woman who is foreign like from Earth or not born into a certain caste, then you are a slave. And then there are free women, but they can become slaves. There aren’t a lot of men slaves because most are warriors or hold political office. It’s kind of medieval. And they speak their own language. It’s actually a pretty cool read.” Dean finishes. Cas nods and seems thoughtful,

“How does Gilda’s performance relate to this then?”

“I’m assuming it has to deal with a certain type of slave. There’s like its own caste within the slave caste; I know, it sounds confusing. So, there are like those who are virgins whom are valuable and precious, then there are dancers and other artists, then there are those who get put to work in factories and are just treated awful. Most slaves belong to houses, warriors, or men and women in political offices and they decide what kind they are, they all have different clothing to categorize them too.”

“I see…I wonder what category Gilda falls into.” Cas wonders with a smirk as the emcee comes onto the stage to welcome and gather everyone. There are only a few performances so it shouldn’t take long. First, there is a pole dance routine, then a shibari demonstration, a power exchange demonstration, and then Gilda performing a Gorean slave dance. There are talented and creative people who perform, but no one is as captivating as Gilda.

She slowly and lightly steps from behind the curtain as the music starts, taking her time to accentuate her foot and ankle. She has golden anklets and bells on her ankles that contrast beautifully against her creamy golden skin. Dean tells Cas that she’s wearing the traditional passion slave silks and jewelry. She twirls and gyrates, the silks billowing behind her, seducing the crowd. Her hair is adorned with gems that sparkle under the spotlight causing the different colors to reflect onto the curtain behind her.

Cas is breathless watching her. He may prefer men, and specifically Dean, but he can appreciate a beautiful woman when he sees one. He can feel the passion she has for dancing and in turn for Charlie; his heart clenches because he knows that passion. He is similar in that he loves to please Dean and would also be up there dancing if he had asked for it. He smiles and claps loudly as soon as she finishes;  Dean is clapping and whistling beside him. She curtsies and seemingly glides off behind the curtain, probably into the arms of Charlie. Dean excuses himself to the bathroom while Cas waits for the girls. The crowd has dispersed to the bar or play equipment and Cas waits at the bar table. He jumps when he feels a hand on his hip and turns to Dean, but he freezes because it’s not Dean.

“Balthazar” he breathes out, heart thudding into overdrive from panic, and breaking into a cold sweat.

“Hello, darling. I’ve missed you.” Balthazar coos, attempting to edge closer into Cas’ personal space.

Cas suddenly chokes on words and just freezes, wishing he would turn away or push him, anything. He’s frozen to the spot, unable to do anything.

“I thought I would find you here. Still looking for someone to replace me? You know that can’t happen, I’m irreplaceable and no one can treat you better. No one can handle you.” He leers, tightening his grip on Cas’ hip. “Cat got your tongue? You were always so obedient, never making noises or talking. I sure do miss that.”

Cas tries to gasp in air so he can form words, but he is seconds away from crumbling right there in the middle of the club. He shakes his head frantically trying to communicate that Balthazar is not welcome near him.

“Cas?” a small voice questions from somewhere behind him.

Balthazar looks around Cas to find the origin, “He is a little busy” he spits.

“Too bad.” And then a small hand is grabbing Cas’ wrist and dragging him away from Balthazar toward the bathrooms. “Cas?”

Cas can’t focus and he realizes he is in the ladies’ restroom sitting on a couch, hyperventilating with a random woman. “Cas, focus on my voice. You know me and you are safe. Just listen.”

The voice keeps repeating the mantra until Cas calms his breathing enough for his eyes to focus on bright red hair, “Charlie?”

“Yeah, Cas. You’re safe.” And then there are small, warm arms enveloping him into a hug and his best friend’s voice shushing him. “Let it out”, And Cas realizes that he’s crying.

They stay like this for roughly 30 minutes and Cas has no more tears to cry, for now. Charlie is petting his hair and giving a small smile, “Do you need a smoke?” Cas nods pathetically and she grabs his hand to lead him the way. Luckily there is a back door near the bathrooms so they don’t have to run into anybody just yet.

“Let me text Gilda that we’re out here, want me to text Dean?” Charlie asks while Cas lights up. He takes a deep breath in and nods. His thoughts are racing and there’s still a tightness in his chest; he doesn’t know what to tell Dean. Charlie looks like she wants to ask what happened so all Cas says is Balthazar’s name for her to understand and her eyes to flash with anger. A few minutes pass until Dean comes out of the door and strides right up to Cas with worry written in his features. He immediately barrages him with questions, but all Cas can do is nod or shake his head. Charlie appears next to him, standing extremely close, and puts a hand on his shoulder. She’s not looking at him or Dean, but past them and at the door. They are both frozen and Dean turns around to see what they are looking at, but turns back around and smiles at Cas,

“If you’re okay now, I want to introduce you to that weird customer I told you about” he whispers. When he sees Cas’ face fall even more and Charlie grimace, he becomes suspicious, “Uh, guys, I know you’re not socially inept, it’s just a dude.”

He motions for Balthazar to come closer and Cas immediately bows his head and lowers his eyes. Dean tilts his head at him but doesn’t say anything. When Balthazar reaches a hand out to shake Cas’, Charlie bats it away with fierceness Dean nor Cas have seen, before taking Cas back inside.

“I’m taking you home.” She states, no room for argument, as she pulls him out the front exit and to her car on the curb where Gilda is waiting. The car is silent as Charlie drives them, her worried eyes flicking to the rearview mirror to check on Cas in the back seat. When they arrive at Cas’ apartment, Charlie just says that she will check on him later and handle everything. He tries to smile at her to show his gratitude and simply congratulates Gilda on her amazing performance before climbing the stairs to his door.

He doesn’t remember much after stepping into his apartment and locking the door. He just feels cold and empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have read some of the books by John Norman and let me tell you that they are pretty neat and very hard to find but the internet has a lot of resources if you are curious about the Gorean lifestyle. I was kind of part of it for my first experiences and I don't suggest starting with it because it's very close to the Master/slave dynamic.  
> As always, feel free to ask questions. Until next time!


	14. Tourniqet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sad things for Cas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warning for Self Harm and Angst!  
> Sorry for the delay in update and thanks for hanging in there! This chapter was extremely difficult to write but I pushed through again.   
> *Chapter title by Evanescence*

Dean sat in his apartment calling Cas’ cellphone time and again with no luck every single time. He had done this every day for a week after work since the incident at the club. He had figured out who exactly this dickhead was when Charlie grabbed Cas’ hand and dragged him out of there to take him home. He couldn’t believe he was so dense! He wanted to apologize to Cas and even Charlie about that but no one would answer their phones. He promised himself to give Cas some time but he couldn’t take this anymore so in just a few hours, he would drive over to his apartment and demand time to talk. He put his phone down, turned up some rock music, and grabbed a beer just to pass the time.

When he felt that enough time passed, he grabbed his leather jacket and keys and made his way to his car to drive the short distance to Cas. He was in the middle of town when he reached another red light. He looked around at the people walking by and sitting at the cafes as per usual when he spotted Balthazar at a table, smoking a cigarette, and sipping at a hot drink. Dean saw red. When the light turned green he took off to park parallel to the street and got out, slamming the door. As he approached the table, he stopped dead in his tracks when he saw his partner, lover, _boyfriend_ sit down across from Balthazar. He couldn’t move; he was frozen to the cement of the sidewalk. He watched as Cas lit up a cigarette and could visibly see him turn into himself; Cas was stressed and uncomfortable. Why the hell would he put himself through his?! He didn’t realize he had managed to walk up to the table and said this out loud. Cas sat there wide eyed and on the verge of tears, cigarette dropped on the ground, and Balthazar looking up at him with no care in the world.

Cas broke the silence with a muttered, “Dean”… before Dean let out his frustration.

“What the hell,Cas?!” he shouted, not caring that the other patrons were staring or muttering to each other. “You don’t answer my phone calls after you disappeared and then I find you sitting here with this abusive, pompous dickhead?!”

Cas continued to stare, tears still in his eyes, “Dean…can we go to my place, please? I don’t want you shouting in public…” he muttered so just they could hear. Dean didn’t want to be mad but he didn’t want to soften either. He stood his ground,

“When you want to be with me, you know where to find me” and he left, got back in his car, and drove back home. When he made it back inside his fortress of solitude, he took out his emergency whiskey and sat in the dim lit den, waiting.

He didn’t hear from Cas, but he did hear from Charlie the next day. He wanted to be mad at her too, but he knew that didn’t make sense so he hesitantly answered,

“Charlie, where the hell have you been?” He asked, keeping his anger at bay.

“Dean! Have you heard from Cas? He won’t answer my calls or when I knock on the door. I don’t want to assume that he’s in trouble, but the last time Balzathar got into his head…” she trailed off into silence, softly taking in quick breaths.

Dean sat up, worried,” Charlie….you don’t think he did something, do you?” Charlie remained silent, not wanting to jinx it or alarm him or herself. “I’m going over there now”. He didn’t even wait for her response. He was already dressed so he grabbed his keys and ran to his car. He prayed to whatever god may be listening that he didn’t get pulled for speeding because of how fast he made it across town. He parked, turned off the ignition, and ran up the stairs to Cas’ door. He pounded his fists on the door, calling for Cas, but he didn’t answer. He didn’t want to break it down, no matter how many times he threatened to do it, so he used his old skill of picking the lock. After a few minutes, it unlocked and he heavily shouldered it open.

“CAS!” he called into the dark apartment. He listened for footsteps or a reply, but it was silent. He checked the bathroom, kitchen, and even the spare bedroom on his way to the master bedroom toward the back. The door was closed, but unlocked, and he made his way in quietly. Cas was sitting on the floor, unmoving.

“Cas?” Dean whispered, moving around him to sit in front of him. He fell to the ground on his knees when he saw Cas’ appearance. His hair was messier than it usually was, his eyes were tired and dark, his arms wrapped around his middle and he barely registered that Dean was there. “Cas, hey.” Dean snapped his fingers in front of his face. Cas finally spoke, head sinking lower, “Dean…I’m sorry. Why are you here?”

“We couldn’t reach you. Charlie is freaking the hell out. What happened? Why are you sorry?”

“I went to meet Balthazar to tell him to leave me alone or I would get the authorities involved. And then you showed up…and I…I might’ve done something stupid…” Cas whispered, taking a shallow breath in. Dean’s heart dropped and observed Cas again. He really hoped Charlie wasn’t right.

“Cas…show me your arms” He demanded softly. When Cas didn’t move, he reached out slowly and unfolded his arms from his torso. He took a deep breath and pulled the sweater sleeve up to his elbows. He just held his arms in his hands, staring, until he heard Cas let out a small sob. When he looked up, Cas was looking at him, tears streaming down his face.

“I-I’m s-s-so sorry, Dean. Please don’t leave me. I love you! Please don’t leave!” Cas choked out in between sobs. Dean pulled the sleeves back down and lunged forward to envelop Cas in an embrace.

“We’re going to get you help. You just have to want it and want me to provide that. I’m here for you.” He whispered in his ear. Cas continued to sob and apologize, even as Dean pulled him into his lap to cradle him. After about an hour, Cas seemed to pass out in his arms. Dean wiped the tears from his face and the hair off of his forehead before standing up and placing him in the bed. He took off Cas’ shoes and tucked him under the covers before sneaking out into the den. He dialed Charlie’s number and told her that she was in fact correct and that they would talk more about what to do to help later. He locked the front door, toed off his boots, and made his way back into the room. He tried to be as quiet as possible but Cas was already sitting up in bed.

“I thought you left…” Cas said, hanging his head and looking at his hands.

“I wouldn’t leave you, Cas. Would you like to get in the bath?” He tried to smile, but it didn’t feel right. Cas nodded. Dean walked to the side of the bed, took his hand, and led him to the bathroom where he drew a bath. He stripped Cas of his clothes and then his before they both climbed in. Dean sat behind him and wrapped his arms around him,

“I told you I would take care of you. I wish you would’ve come to me.” Dean said into his hair. Cas didn’t reply, but snuggled into his arms more. He would take that as an ‘I’m sorry’. They sat there until the water turned cold and Dean helped Cas out. He dried Cas off and then himself before leading him back to the bed where he cuddled him until Cas passed out again. Dean couldn’t sleep. He laid there, staring at the cuts on the arms that belonged to his partner. He closed his eyes and pressed his lips into his hair. _I’m sorry, Cas. I love you._


End file.
